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I told Malcolm about my previous relationships, my fantasies, my heartbreak.

Once, he told me this long, complicated story about an affair he had with his cousin, adding, “That’s not something I tell most people.” Probably wise on his part, but I loved that story, as problematic as it may be, because I loved knowing something about him that no one else did.

Or at least, without getting super-jealous and –esque?

She doesn’t know that loving you is the worst way to get to you.” Harsh.

Others dismiss fuck-buddy dynamics as just being compulsive sex that’s devoid of emotion. Surely it’s possible to find a middle ground between eternal love and zombie-fucking a stranger: a place where you can care about someone, have good sex, and yet not want to literally implode at the thought of them sleeping with someone else. Case in point: The most significant romantic friendship of my life was with an ex-editor of mine, whom I’ll call Malcolm.

We started “a thing” five years ago and have yet to end it.

But sometimes, romantic friendships can offer a type of intimacy that committed relationships can’t.

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I was curious to know if Malcolm felt the same way I did about all of this, so last week (for strictly journalistic purposes), I paid him a visit.Sometimes it feels like we are more honest with our friends with benefits than we are with our partners.This paradox always makes me think of that episode when Betty seduced Don at their kid’s summer camp, well after they had both remarried.My anxiety will decrease if I know you want to marry me in six years from now! But my longer romantic friendships have been a safe space.

Aug 1, 2016. So do about a billion other people, and they're all on hook-up apps. Who you actually find A passable stranger who hasn't decided yet, but wants to text a lot. who just used their last minute of free airport wi-fi to get this app. Who you want to find A put-together man who wants a drink and a fuck.… continue reading »

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